Oh! Don't mind me.

I'm just using my corner of the internet to be me.

Who am I?

Well, I'm a person with bones and organs. I'm a Ravenclaw (according to Pottermore but my heart belongs to Hufflepuff), a Starkid, a Whovian.....

No Touching

I’ve joined the Ectomobile. I still can’t tell you where exactly I came up with this between re-watching Arrested Development and reading Dalton.

Justin Bancroft wasn’t entirely sure how this conversation with Charlie Amos went from their calculus homework to his little sister, but he liked to blame his friend for being the first to bring up Dwight Houston, the younger Bancroft’s current boyfriend.

"Hey, so your sister and Dwight have been together for a couple months now, right?"

Justin looked up from the equations that littered the page he was working on to give his friend a look, “Yeah, and?”

"Well, do you know if they’ve…" Charlie trailed off.

Justin raised his eyebrow, daring his friend to finish his question, “If they’ve what?”

"Y’know…"

Charlie.”

"IF THEY’VE HAD SEX YET!?!" Charlie yelled clearly annoyed by his friend’s antics before the heat rose to his face when he realized they were in the library with other students frantically studying for their upcoming exams.

Justin would have laughed at his best friend had he not questioned his baby sister’s virginity.

"What makes you ask that?" Justin abandoned his homework to glare at his friend who was using his math book to shield himself from the librarian staring at him.

"Nothing I was just wondering-"

"Did you hear anything at Windsor? Did Dwight say anything?"

"No, I just guessed that since-"

"Since what?” Justin rose from his seat standing over his friend who further retreated behind his book.

"Well, Laura has um..developed more lately and-“

"Why are you looking at my sister like that Charlie?" Justin yelled just loud enough for the librarian to snap and kick the two prefects from the Library.

It took all the self restraint Charlie had not to hit the Tweedles when he heard them snigger.

—-

Justin had been on the edge for the rest of the week. Since Charlie had brought up the conversation regarding Laura and Dwight’s ‘intimacy’ he’d been paranoid about his sister’s ‘purity’. Of course he couldn’t outright say it to Laura (it’d be way too awkward) their chat about the couple’s important 4 month anniversary date did little to put the Hanover prefect at ease. Especially since Laura described the night as very special.

Justin knew he had lost it when he freaked out Dwight by staring at him whenever he passed him in the halls and (and on one occasion he proceeded to walk backwards into a group of freshmen.

Despite being 85% sure he’d gone crazy over his little sister’s romantic life and knowing she was old enough to take care of herself he still found himself following the couple on their date.

So there he was, crouching in a bush behind the park bench the Hunter and his sister were sitting on while they watched the sunset and just talked. Justin found himself zoning in and out of the conversation while they talked about demons and holy water and other things that couldn’t keep his interest.

It was then he realized how boring this date was. They were sitting a few inches away from each other, not even touching. Anybody who passed buy would think that it was just two friends hanging out, rather than two people on a 4 month anniversary date. Part of him wanted to go back to Dalton and just hang out with Charlie for the rest of the evening, but his big-brother instinct to protect Laura was keeping him there.

——

While Justin sat in the bushes dealing with his sister Charlie Amos was in Windsor house dealing with two people who were on the same level as the annoying younger sibling.

"ETHAN! EVAN! IF YOU TWO DON’T GET BACK HERE I SWEAR!"

"You gotta catch us first!"

"Yeah, then you can scream at us!”

Charlie groaned in frustration, running at full speed towards the twins.

"Give me back my baseball bat!" he yelled, causing the twins to stop and turn around.

"Wait that’s why you’re following us?" Evan asked obviously confused.

"Um yeah…why else would I?"

"We don’t have it, honestly." Ethan responded.

"Even we know that’s uncalled for."

"If you two didn’t take it then who did?"

"Justin did." Wes poked his head from his dorm.

"What? When?" Charlie’s attention turned to the other boy and the two blonds took the opportunity to make their escape.

"Earlier today, I thought you asked him to get it for you-"

Charlie ignored the rest of the sentence as he walked back to his room asking himself "Why?".

——

Justin had lost all sense of time in the bush, how long was he there? An hour? Two? Five minutes? either way he was losing his mind. His left leg was close to falling asleep along with his mind and he was certain that staying in this crouched position for so long had to be bad for his posture. In his right hand he was still clutching Charlie’s baseball bat ready to attack if the moment called for it.

He almost hoped that Dwight would try something. Charlie would kill him for taking his bat, he’d like to get some use out of it.

Then, as if the heavens had heard his wish he saw Windsor’s resident hunter inch closer towards Laura, who mirrored his actions. He watched as their hands get closer and closer until Dwight’s rested upon Laura’s.

Instinct kicked in as Justin seemed to have all the repercussions of a simple gesture flash before his eyes. They would kiss, that would lead somewhere else and next thing he knew Laura was trapped in a loveless marriage with a child she had when she was too young.

"No," he thought "Not my sister."

In the blink of an eye he jumped out of the bush. He raised the bat high over his head and brought it down loudly on the gap between them on the bench, while yelling “NO TOUCHING!”

Laura screamed. Dwight fell off the bench in shock before he could reach his Holy Water. Justin pointed the bat at the younger boy and said again “No touching.” while pointing in his sister’s direction with his head. Dwight gulped and gave a weak nod, his heart racing a mile a minute.

"L-Laura," he stuttered "Maybe we should call it a night."

"It’s only seven!" the blonde protested. The look her brother gave her shut her up and she gave up the fight she couldn’t win.

The drive back with Justin was silent, but Laura gave a new meaning to the term ‘If looks could kill’.

——

"Charlie, I’m sorry I took your bat, but really was there any harm done?"

"The twins went crazy after realizing I didn’t have my weapon of choice to threaten them with."

"I’m sorry, but come on that has to be their best prank all year."

"Tell that to Reed! I think he’s traumatized, he won’t leave his room."

"Once again sorry but-"

"And you scared the shit out of Dwight."

"Now that I don’t apologize for. He made a move on my sister."

"What did he do?"

"He went to hold her hand."

Charlie gave his friend a hard long look before bursting into laughter.

"He’s going to be afraid to hold her hand for weeks now!" Charlie managed to get out through his sobs of laughter

"It’s serious! He was pressuring her!" Justin was quick to defend himself.

"Into what? Sex?" Charlie as almost kneeling on the ground his shoulders still shaking with laughter, "Trust me if anyone’s pressuring the other for sex in that relationship it’s probably your sister."

Justin was silent taking in what Charlie had just said.

Maybe he and Laura would have that chat after all.

  1. incomprehensive reblogged this from nevermindniamh and added:
    I lost count on how many times I died reading this.
  2. novmoonflower11 reblogged this from nevermindniamh and added:
    XD oh my gosh! There are not enough of these kind of fanfics yet!
  3. kicho-fiore reblogged this from nevermindniamh and added:
    SO. PERFECT. ROTFLMAO!
  4. naysjournal reblogged this from nevermindniamh
  5. shrinkingcylamen reblogged this from nevermindniamh
  6. blazersandbarricades reblogged this from nevermindniamh and added:
    THIS IS FLAWLESSLY HILARIOUS! :D
  7. lionphantom reblogged this from nevermindniamh and added:
    I JUST DIED LAUGHING. THIS IS GOLD
  8. trainwreckstateofmind reblogged this from nevermindniamh
  9. morethanablipintime reblogged this from nevermindniamh
  10. emmybiscuit reblogged this from artemismoon12 and added:
    PFTAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA
  11. artemismoon12 reblogged this from nevermindniamh and added:
    HONOUR ON YOU HONOUR ON YOUR FAMILY HONOUR ON YOUR COW! I LOVED IT!!
  12. nevermindniamh posted this